Friday, December 23, 2011

Scruffy's Christmas Letter To Santa

As heard on Friday's Sportscage

Dear Santa:

How’s it goin big guy. I could have e-mailed you this list, but I know you listen to the Cage everyday. I just still don’t know why you post under the name “Obama” on Roddie’s blog, but I guess everyone has to have their secrets. I just want to remind you that you screwed up on my list last year……I asked for my chequing account to be fat and my waistline to be slim---not the other way around. Anyhoo, here’s my Christmas wish for certain people for 2012.

Lets start it off with that team that I know you are a fan of-----yes, despite the fact you wear Stampeder colours, I know you are a Rider fan. In fact, I think you might really be Jim Hopson in disguise---but I digress.

To Corey Chamblin and Brendan Taman ----that you get out of the gate with a 4-0 or 5-0 mark so that all the naysayers---and yes Santa you know there are many---can shut their yaps for a while

To Darian Durant ---a trip in the time machine to 2009

To Andy Fantuz ---well whatever you don’t get him, he will buy anyhoo, but get him some noise cancelling headphones that he can fit inside his helmet when he comes back here wearing another teams uniform if it should come to that.

To Luca Congi --- another kicking job in the CFL

To Ken Miller --- that he enjoys his retirement in style and that he has the NFL network so he can watch “the men” next year with a smile on his face.

To Jerrell Freeman --- that you join Brandon Browner in Seattle as ex-CFL’ers doing well in the NFL.

Speaking of the Seahawks, Santa….

Can you please bring Regina born Seahawks punter Jon Ryan a trip to the Pro Bowl so that the NFL community can see just how good of a punter he is. He has emerged to be top 3 in the league as far as I’m concerned.

I’m too realistic to ask for another playoff spot, but if they do, give us a wildcard victory like last year against New Orleans. There was no better play in 2011 than his touchdown in that game versus the Saints.

To fans of the Toronto Blue Jays---Santa, is it possible that you can bring another good starting pitcher into the rotation. I think this team could be a playoff squad this year. I really do.

To fans of the Cubs --- never mind, you won’t listen to that request. You must be a Cardinals fan.

To Regina Pats forward Jordan Weal---that you get a chance to experience playoff hockey this year whether that be in Regina or elsewhere. Selfishly, I would like it to be here.

To Pats GM Chad Lang ---a great big sleeping pill that can be dropped off at his house once the trade deadline has expired cuz I’m sure he’s not getting any sleep these days

To Pats p x p man Dan Plaster---a weekend trip to the Pussycat Ranch. Dan needs a break. If he wants to drag along Cliff Mapes too he can do so.

To Canucks forward Ryan Kesler----to be a man and quit whining over the fact you got laid out the other night on a clean check. And then we wonder why people hate the Canucks so much

To Sidney Crosby---that you get back and you get back to 100 percent. I’m not your biggest fan, but the NHL needs you.

To the manufacturers of hockey equipment---to stop being so greedy and cut back on some of this warrior like equipment that you produce because you are killing the game and the players that play it. Can we please go back to the thin shoulder pads of the 80’s…I would much rather have players out with separated shoulders than concussions.

To the makers of Cherry Dr. Pepper ---one litre and two litre bottles that can be bought at my favourite grocery store

To my good friend Rob Vanstone at the L-P, I ask for three things.

1)Can you somehow incorporate him into the script at “High Impact Wrestling”?

2) Can you give him a Stanley Cup win for the Winnipeg Jets

3) Can you find a way to extend the day to 27 hours so he can find more reasons to work.

To CTV Regina sports anchor Lee Jones---that the call comes for you to go to TSN. You’ve worked hard for the opportunity and that work is starting to pay off. I sincerely hope your mailing address is Toronto at this time next year.

To my good friend Peter Loubardias--that you are back behind the microphone of a hockey team real soon. You are too good to be sitting on the sidelines.

To High Impact Wrestler Rex Roberts---forget it Santa, he's beyond help. Just take pity on that cowboy.

To Principal Richard Pound -- a nomination to the Regina Sports Hall of Fame if not the Canadian one.

I guess I had better have some Christmas wishes for the people that make "The Sportscage"  a success each and every day.

To Global’s Derek “Duke” Meyers ---a full time cab driver or chaffeur. He's a beaut! If you can't love what this guy brings to the table, there's something wrong

To The Silver Fox Kelly Remple ---a chance to be a roadie at a Motley Crue concert or to live like Nikki Sixx for a weekend. Actually, a lot of people would take that. When you drop off that sleeping pill for Chad Lang, give Kelly an intensity pill because sometimes he just comes off as to lackadaisical.

To John Frenzy --- a clean Rider shirt and one that says Grey Cup champs 2012 on it.

Merry Christmas to you three and thanks for making my job easier when doing this show for one Mr. Pedersen…..jeez, I can’t forget about him either

Santa, there have been many great calls from guys at the World Juniors so give Roddie one of those on January 6 at the gold medal game-----I just don’t want that call to be “Go Crazy Canada, Go Crazy”. Please also make sure that he knows those gift cards that he has for Hooters at the West Edmonton Mall are from me. Thanks!

As for me, I think Mrs. Scruffy would frown on that weekend alone with Brooklyn Decker so I'll settle for a couple of big Pro-Line jackpots. Jackpots that were oh-so-close this year.

Have a good one big man. Safe travels.

Merry Christmas to all blog readers, Twitter followers and Facebook friends. Thanks for checkin in every day. I'm thinkin 2012 will be a great year.


Glenn said...

Merry Christmas Mitch !!!

Anonymous said...

Freeman needs to keep wearing green and that is Rider green---not Eagles green or Jets green or Packers green! Merry Xmas Mitch.


Anonymous said...

Peter Loubardias is doing the pxp for the Shaw whl games.

A warrior fan

Anonymous said...

And a Merry Christmas to You and Yours Mitchy!


Anonymous said...

Merry Christmas to you and mrs. Scruffy!!!